I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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