I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
