you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
