Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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