Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
