Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
