Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
