So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
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