I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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