So drunk, too bad you don't want this
false alarm. still invincible.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
