Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
