Im at strip club and am horny
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
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