big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
