Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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