Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
