My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
