i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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