I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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