eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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