i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
