third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize
