I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
