Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
