I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
