So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
