he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
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