I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
