Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
