Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
