I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
