When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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