dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
