just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
