I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Randomize
