Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
How's work?
Spinning.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
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