Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
