the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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