if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
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