tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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