so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
