After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
