How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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