Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
Randomize
