I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
