Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
We just shotgunned beers for America
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
We are all done wearing pants today
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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