If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
