yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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