where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
