Her body is shaped like a coke bottle...a two liter coke bottle
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
