Moan for me like Helen Keller
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Randomize
